It’s 12:12 a.m. Christmas Eve. In a few hours I’ll be back up getting ready for my kids to come over for our Christmas Eve time together. I love having them come over but as with all things, MS gets in the way it seems.
I had a call from my son earlier saying he feels stuffy so he might not come for dinner Christmas Eve night because he doesn’t want to expose Lynn to anything. All our family is very thoughtful regarding exposing him to anything. They know how fragile his health is and how difficult it is for him to recover. But I really want my son to come. It just won’t be Christmas if all the kids can’t be here.
Lynn has felt miserable all day. He’s been very testy and hard to get along with. He’s so tired and uncomfortable and needs constant attention. I wonder if he will even be able to enjoy the family time together. Every night for the past two weeks he’s needed a hot shower to make him feel better. The kids are coming over around 6:30 so that means he can’t have one. How will that go? Will he just suffer through? I expect he will but I’ll see it and know he’s miserable. Why can’t he feel good anymore?
He and I were not going to exchange gifts this year because we can’t go shopping but I had a chance to do so Thursday and picked up a couple of things for him. I hope he won’t be upset that I bought him something but I love to give presents and it’s just not Christmas if you can’t give things to people you love. I know he can’t shop; plus if he shops online he has to use my credit card so I know anyway. It’s just the way it is. I’m okay with no gifts for me but I really want to give to others.
I admit I haven’t had too much Christmas spirit this year. I used to do so much at church for Christmas and that really represented Christmas to me as much as anything did. We haven’t been able to go to church in over a year now so a huge chunk of what makes Christmas special for me is missing.
So ready or not, Christmas is here. No need to decorate anymore. If presents aren’t bought by now, it’s basically too late…and in two days, it’s over till next year. I need more time! I want more celebration… and I want Lynn to be well enough to enjoy it.
It’s time to go feed him dinner then it’s off to bed for the night. Tomorrow will be busy with a few errands to run and a roast to prepare for dinner and some last-minute wrapping. I’m looking forward to it but afraid to get excited as well for fear that something will happen to keep us from getting together. I sure hope we ALL get to enjoy it.
Here’s hoping you get to enjoy yours too. After all, we are here, alive, and loved, and Christ gave up everything to give us hope of eternal life by coming as a baby, totally vulnerable in the world. What more could we ask for? Whatever happens, we are blessed.
Merry Christmas.
MS does seem to always have its own agenda. Holidays aside over time we just stopped making plans too far in advance. At first that seemed frustrating but with time it became actually better for living with MS. Spontaneity essentially became the plan. 🙂 … Holidays are the exception they remain the proverbial trying to fit the square peg into the round hole.